Too Many Cooks: A Poem by West Bridgford’s Don Read

Don Read, well known locally as West Bridgford’s poet and music industry professional, writes about the current culinary TV craze…

Too Many Cooks

The series has now ended. We’ve chipped, we’ve chopped, we’ve blended

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Now we are recommended to buy the DVD

We’ve table doted, and we’ve a là carted

It’s been at least two hours since the ruddy programme started

And I can’t remember any recipe

A dozen brave contestants vied to be the winner

And make the perfect dish but some came up with a dog’s dinner

Though expert in comestibles some made indigestibles

A British bun coated with cream

Became a muffin just to please the US dream

An Aussie from down under made a most appalling blunder

His wombat soup required a touch of mustard

He was nervous and quite flustered as he added loads of custard

A chef came all the way from exotic Costa Cubana

He showed us fifty ways to peel a ripe banana

One by one they proved their skills at making great comestibles

One boasted having fed the crowd at Glastonbury festivals

The winner walked away with the chocolate spatula he cherished

It melted. Before he got it home his trophy had quite simply perished…

A chef whose name was Harris said his French Fries came from Paris

A man who lived in Harrow brought a huge and tasty marrow

He was suspended. His broad beans were really far too narrow

As one series ends another has to start.

The next one will be themed on how to make a tasty tart.

 

As for me I’ve pitched a script that comes from Pennsylvania

It should baffle all those viewers with a culinary mania

It’s “Shoofly pie and good old Apple Pan Dowdy”.

And as the song would have it, “Makes Your Eyes Light Up, Your Tummy Say Howdy”

Follow that !
Don Read