Don Read, well known locally as West Bridgford’s poet and music industry professional, writes about the current culinary TV craze…
Too Many Cooks
The series has now ended. We’ve chipped, we’ve chopped, we’ve blended
Now we are recommended to buy the DVD
We’ve table doted, and we’ve a là carted
It’s been at least two hours since the ruddy programme started
And I can’t remember any recipe
A dozen brave contestants vied to be the winner
And make the perfect dish but some came up with a dog’s dinner
Though expert in comestibles some made indigestibles
A British bun coated with cream
Became a muffin just to please the US dream
An Aussie from down under made a most appalling blunder
His wombat soup required a touch of mustard
He was nervous and quite flustered as he added loads of custard
A chef came all the way from exotic Costa Cubana
He showed us fifty ways to peel a ripe banana
One by one they proved their skills at making great comestibles
One boasted having fed the crowd at Glastonbury festivals
The winner walked away with the chocolate spatula he cherished
It melted. Before he got it home his trophy had quite simply perished…
A chef whose name was Harris said his French Fries came from Paris
A man who lived in Harrow brought a huge and tasty marrow
He was suspended. His broad beans were really far too narrow
As one series ends another has to start.
The next one will be themed on how to make a tasty tart.
As for me I’ve pitched a script that comes from Pennsylvania
It should baffle all those viewers with a culinary mania
It’s “Shoofly pie and good old Apple Pan Dowdy”.
And as the song would have it, “Makes Your Eyes Light Up, Your Tummy Say Howdy”
Follow that !